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Arby 'n' the Chief is a live action internet video series created by machinimator Jon Graham, also known as Jon CJG (who was in turn known as DigitalPh33r when the series began production), about the lives of figurine versions of Master Chief and the Arbiter. It is mainly based around the two playing Halo 3 and doing things related to Halo, but also will occasionally focus on the duo playing other games such as Call of Duty 4 and Devil May Cry 4, whilst spending the remainder of their time pulling off various shenanigans.

Contents

Background

Arby 'n' the Chief is about two Halo 2-era Action Figures of the Master Chief and the Arbiter who live in their owner's, Jon Graham, house. When Jon is at home, the figures stay put and do not move, as one would expect of the typical figurine. Whenever Jon leaves, they start moving around, playing games, and pulling off shenanigans, similar to the Disney/Pixar movie Toy Story.

Usually, the duo plays Halo 3 on Xbox Live, although Arbiter also enjoys playing other games such as Grand Theft Auto IV, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, and Super Smash Bros. Brawl on Wii. Chief is typically seen expressing scorn and dissent whenever Arbiter chooses to play any game that is not Halo 3, and as such, Chief stays away from such games. However, he does venture out of his box to try those games, though his performance is rotten, and what time he does devote to the playing of different games always results in an increase in Chief's hatred of that game. Later on in the series, however, Chief becomes more tolerant of non-Halo games, mostly Resident Evil 5, despite jumping on the bandwagon and joining a protest against the game itself because of its alleged racism.

Characters

A short clip from Episode 6: Brawl where Arbiter finds a note on his back.

Master Chief: Master Chief is a foul-mouthed, immature and illiterate sexist who loves to trash talk other people, including his own "friends" on Xbox Live. He is most commonly seen talking in "1337 Speak" (Leet Speak), which consists of shortened words, usually with numbers in them, with a seemingly dyslexic nature. He also conveys his emotions with text emoticons, such as "sad face", which appears on the subtitles as :(. Other than the Halo games and later Grand Theft Auto 4 and Resident Evil 5, he despises any other game, especially Call of Duty 4, to which he created his own title for that game (said title contains foul language). Even though Halo 3 is the only game he plays out of self-interest with the exception of playing Devil May Cry 4 once (which he quickly grew to hate), he appears to be very bad at it, as shown whenever he plays. It should be noted that Chief possess next to no skill whatsoever when it comes to video games, and oftentimes invests in harassing fellow teammates and/or players during games instead of actually playing the game. He hates all non-Microsoft or Bungie products, including the Wii and Mozilla Firefox, to name just a few. He seems to have feelings for Cortana, and openly expresses them to Arbiter, although he starts to despise her after Episode 10 ("Conflict").

Master Chief's stunning lack of intelligence leads him to entertain himself with scandalous and oftentimes ridiculous events, to include multiple attempts at cheating people in unintelligent ways. For example, after playing Call of Duty 4 for several seconds, he tries to exchange the game disc for a chocolate chip cookie with a hole in it after he snaps the disc in half and flushes it down the toilet out of rage. He also states he is drunk when he only drank a bottle of water and crudely spelled out the word "beer" on the label ("BeR," spelled with a backwards E). His only real friend is the Arbiter, to whom he has shown a more decent side of himself on rare occasions. The Chief can also be extremely sensitive, such as when he is reduced to tears by Craig and his MLG friends. In addition, he has moral standards (that apparently do not apply to himself, only others); he is even disgusted when Scott steals Jon's wallet (from Chief) to use his credit card to order two hundred hookers on the phone, albeit he later claims that Scott 'stoles it from meh'. Master Chief is voiced by Microsoft Sam.

Arbiter: Arbiter is a friendly and intelligent character who, apart from the Chief's friends on Xbox Live, is Master Chief's one and only friend. When it comes to playing Halo 3 or any other game, the Arbiter is exceptionally skilled, as opposed to the Chief, who is terrible. He plays Call of Duty 4 as much, if not more than, Halo 3 until Halo 3's Legendary Map Pack is released. Jon Graham stated in one of his director commentary episodes that he modeled the Arbiter after himself. It was hinted in some way at the end of the episode "Girls" that the Arbiter is attracted to Cortana (though not as much as Chief); unlike Chief, though, he politely backs off after Todd and Cortana show interest in each other. Although he says he does not like beer or anything that makes him unhealthy, he gives in to the pressure that Chief puts on him to drink in the episode "Party," resulting in a very painful hangover and partial memory loss the next morning. Soon after, in Arby 'n' the Chief: The Movie, he asks Travis for some alcohol while being forced to watch Chief's incredibly lengthy and poorly made machinima. He later turns away from beer, only to be tempted back again and again by Chief's aggravations.

Whereas Chief actively seeks conflict, Arbiter has been described by others as a "natural mediator," always working to solve problems whenever they arise (an attribute that has been showcased more and more frequently as the series has continued). Usually, he is the "smart one" and Chief rarely understands Arbiter's advanced vocabulary. This frequently results in him having to point out how nonsensical other peoples' opinions are, however, which he is infamous for doing in a frank, uncensored, and sometimes actively insulting manner that has been known to offend many people, particularly when he is annoyed. In the first three seasons, he is usually depicted as rational and relatively calm, though Master Chief is able to drive him to frustration and even outright anger on a regular basis. He is shown in Arby 'n' the Chief: Endgame, however, to have a definite capability for sadness as well; he is genuinely despondent when he realizes that his body is falling apart and when his online girlfriend, Claire, dumps him. He is voiced by Microsoft Mike. He represents Jon Graham's opinion of gaming products.

Cortana: Cortana was first introduced at the very end of the episode "Girls". Like the Arbiter and Todd, she is depicted as being quite intelligent. She is Todd's girlfriend and the love interest of Master Chief, as well as the unfortunate victim at the bludgeoned-end of his sexist remarks (for example, being ordered to go make sandwiches for him on multiple occasions). It was hinted early on that she might have been a possible love interest of the Arbiter as well, though he never pursued it. She is kind to the Arbiter and of course Todd, but, because of Chief's sexist attitude and his attempts to break-up her existing relationship, she resents him, and has labeled Chief as a homophobe. She says she was a gamer once, but has never actually been seen playing the Xbox. It is revealed in Season 3, Episode 13 that Cortana, Todd, and Travis had been kidnapped by an alien that looks "suspiciously like Jon's chin," who shoots Cortana into an alien sun, thus killing her.

Summary: All Cortana ever seemed to do throughout her short time in the series was whine about the Chief. She is voiced by Microsoft Mary.

Todd: Todd is smart, kind, and somewhat cowardly. He is a Todd McFarlane Halo 3 Master Chief figure. Todd is Cortana's boyfriend and, along with Travis, was introduced in the middle of the episode "Newcomers." His Xbox Live Gamertag is "Colbert Fan," referring to Stephen Colbert; this admiration for Colbert is a trait he shares with both Arbiter and Cortana. Not much can be said about him, as he hardly ever had any parts in the series and mysteriously disappeared not long after his first appearance at the end of the episode "Conflict (Part 2 of 2)" along with Travis. It is revealed in Season 3, Episode 13 that Todd, along with Travis and Cortana, were kidnapped by an alien that looks "suspiciously like Jon's chin"; after allowing them to play one last game of Halo 3 Matchmaking, the alien concocted an interesting, yet creative, way of removing them from the storyline. He is voiced by Jon Graham

Travis: Just as Todd is similar to the Arbiter, Travis is much like the Chief. They are both unintelligent and enjoy doing simple and stupid things such as looking at "lolcats" pictures online. Travis is a Brute Chieftain figurine who was introduced in the middle of the episode "Newcomers", along with Todd. He is obsessed with various adult pleasures. For example, as soon as Cortana and the Arbiter met him, he asked if they had any beer, and shortly after asked if the Chief had any porn on the computer while he was looking at Lolcats.com. He also finds the storyline of Grand Theft Auto IV boring, playing the game only to do things like pick up prostitutes. His Xbox LIVE Gamertag is Gynecoologist, the reason being "because vaginas are cool." In Arby 'n' the Chief: The Movie, he revealed that his personal version of Hell would consist solely of being forced to play the Halo 3 Campaign level Template:Levelname on Legendary over and over again for the rest of eternity. He mysteriously disappeared at the end of "Conflict (Part 2 of 2)", along with Todd. In Season 3, Episode 13, it is revealed that Travis, along with Todd and Cortana, were kidnapped by an alien that looks "suspiciously like Jon's chin"; after allowing them to play one last game of Halo 3 Matchmaking, the alien concocted an interesting, yet creative, way of removing them from the storyline. He is also voiced by Jon Graham.

Scott: Scott is an online hacker introduced in "Endgame", the series' final season. He has dealt cocaine for sixteen years between Canada and Russia, leading to his pursuit by one Agent Smirnoff of Russia, whose government has sentenced him to "thirty-seven consecutive death sentences." Due to his inability to pay rent for an apartment of his own, Jon gives Scott a room in his apartment in exchange for half the rent payments. He is even more vile than the Chief, spending most of the day in his room, engaged in personal activities and smoking. "At the same time, usually.", according to Arbiter. He has also used Jon's credit card to order up to three hundred two hundred hookers at once over the phone.

Scott is almost always extremely high, to the extent that Chief and Arbiter do not even have to hide from him, as he considers them hallucinations which appear after "his fourth cocaine sandwich." In Episode 5 of the Endgame miniseries, Scott is shown hacking Halo 3 and afterward is revealed to be the hacker who is untraceable, even by Bungie. After being confronted by Chief and Arbiter, he is shot to death by Agent Smirnoff, and in the last moments of his comically lengthy death sequence, he grabs a bag of his cocaine and snorts it shortly before choking on his own blood. He is played and voiced by Jon Graham.

Agent Smirnoff: Agent Smirnoff is a Communist Russian Special Agent who is in search of Scott, the hacking crackhead. While arresting Scott in the woods he is incapacitated when Scott throws cocaine in his face, temporarily blinding him. Master Chief and Arbiter call him after learning that Scott is the hacker he is looking for. In the last episode of the series, Agent Smirnoff shoots Scott approximately twenty times, two of which are through the head. He is particularly fond of Triscuits. He is played and voiced by Daniel Lazslo.

Claire: Claire is Arbiter's online love interest, introduced in Endgame. Arbiter meets her in a Halo 3 match, after they simultaneously state their disdain at several other players who are acting foolishly, but elects not to tell her his real name in fear that she will reject him as a perceived Halo 3 fanatic. Instead he tells her his name is Jon, and they instant message on MSN. Their relationship abruptly ends when the Arbiter lets slip that his name is not actually Jon, and that Jon is his owner's name. Due to limited screentime, Claire does not have a very definite personality. She enjoys watching the waves on Last Resort, saying that they are very soothing. Arbiter, however, only agreed with her to "go with the flow," and said that the date they had watching the waves sucked.

In Endgame: Part Five, Scott apparently shoots her with his Spartan Laser. However, in Endgame: Part Six, she finds the Arbiter on Valhalla and forgives him, saying that how he saved Xbox Live was brave. Upon learning of their plight with rent, she generously offers the spare room in her apartment in California to them. When they arrive in the beginning of Arby 'n' the Chief in LA, she has apparently started a relationship with Jon. She is voiced by Jon Graham. It is unknown who plays her character in Arby 'n' Chief: In LA.

Sonic: Sonic the Hedgehog is briefly introduced in Breaking and Entering. He loves Sonic games, even defending Sonic on the 360. He is always on a high from a Sharpie, which he sniffs at regular intervals. He is the only one who knows where Halo 3 is in Mario's house, and gets locked in a cupboard by Mario, because he mistakenly hinted to Chief that Halo 3 is in the house.

Toad: Toad is introduced in Ensemble. He is a far cry from his video game persona in that he loves drugs and regularly uses coarse language. He captures the Arbiter and locks him in a cupboard, but refuses to comply with Mario's orders to kill Arbiter and Sonic. He helped kick Chief out, but later helps him save Arbiter and Sonic from Mario's clutches. He is voiced by Jon Graham.

Luigi: Luigi is very timid, often submitting to Mario. He objects to kicking out Chief, but is unsuccessful. Later, he helps Chief rescue Arbiter and Sonic after he refused to kill them. He lives in constant fear of Mario, and is reluctant about Chief's counterstrike, worrying that "Mario will kill us."

Mario: Mario is homicidal and deranged, and apparently believes that he is the face of gaming, due to the success of his multiple titles. He attempts to kill Arbiter and Sonic, for different reasons. He hates Arbiter and Chief because they are from Halo, and though this is not stated, his hatred of anything Halo could stem from paranoia and fear of anything undermining his status. He also hates everyone else, especially Luigi. He locks Sonic in a cupboard for accidentally telling Chief where his copy of Halo 3 was hidden. Mario has been driven insane due to other gaming characters, specifically Chief, as he continues to fret about the possibility that Chief will result in the toppling of Mario from the "gaming titans" status.

Whoever disagrees with Mario is either kicked out of his house, or locked in "the cupboard." He tries to kill the Arbiter and Sonic by microwaving them, but is defeated when Master Chief, Luigi, and Toad break in, only to provoke Mario into closing the door and turning on the microwave, sealing the Arbiter and Sonic's fates. Mario and Chief then engage in a fight, leaving Toad and Luigi to get the Arbiter and Sonic out of the microwave. Chief climbs onto Mario's head and stays there attempting to lock Mario in a chokehold. However, Mario stumbles over the edge of the counter and the duo fall to their alleged death on the hard floor. Mario is later put into cold storage in his own freezer. It is unknown whether his supposed death was genuine or not. However, Mario is seen exiting the freezer after the credits of the last episode, bent on exacting vengeance on all who betrayed him.

Master Chief Sucks at Halo

In this prequel to the later series, Jon's Halo 2 Master Chief action figure comes to life, and begins playing the Halo 3 Beta. He plays extremely poorly, partially because of his unfamiliarity with the new features of Halo 3, but mainly because of his total lack of video gaming talent.

In the second episode, we find him asking the Arbiter (apparently a different Arbiter action figure than the one who would later be featured in Arby 'n' the Chief; like the Chief, this Arbiter is unintelligent and uses Leet Speak) to play Halo 3 Beta with him on MSN. However, the Beta has been concluded, prompting the Chief to try and drown himself in the toilet. When the suicide attempt fails (because he is wearing a helmet), he decides to play Halo 2 on Xbox Live. He quickly gets booted for offensive behavior, which includes betraying teammates for power weapons such as the Energy Sword. Afterward, he decides to check out Bungie.net for updates on Halo 3, and discovers that the game's release date has been announced for Tuesday, September 25th, 2007.

In the final episode, we find him under the Halo 3 Legendary Edition Helmet. He comments on how a man on the internet lied to him by telling him that "wearing this helmet does not make you pleh better". He proceeds to play Halo 3, and after a bad display of gameplay, he takes a Sniper Rifle and gets a lucky headshot while jumping. He thinks he has become the best Halo 3 player in the history of the world, and decides to make a Halo 3 montage. After seven weeks, and with assistance from the Arbiter, he finally completes his "masterpiece," which consists of a misspelled title; the film clip was filmed unskillfully, with the shooting technique of merely pointing a digital camera at the TV screen. To top it all off, the film comes with an annoyingly loud soundtrack ("Crawling in My Skin" by Linkin Park).

Episode Guide

Season 1

Episode 1: "Pilot"

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The episode opens with three Halo 3 players pinned down by two other players, each manning a Heavy Machine Gun turret on the map Template:Levelname. After one player dies in an attempt to escape the turret fire, the player controlled by Chief enters the scene and dispatches both operators. A Bungie representative comes in to congratulate Chief on his success in Halo 3 and presents the grand prize of "one billion dollars and infinite girlfriends" to Chief. His dream ends (with a bottle of Captain Morgan rum) abruptly when he gets a rude awakening by a ringing phone.

The man on the line asks about a package delivery for Jon. Chief impersonates Jon and receives the package from the delivery man (who himself is played by Jon), who then asks him to sign some forms. The Chief signs the forms, writing, "Mastur cheef :)." When the delivery man leaves, Master Chief ponders as to what the contents of the package are. He soon cowers before the contained Arbiter, who was bought in an E-bay auction.

Chief is soon interrupted (while playing Halo 3 Matchmaking) by Arbiter, who escapes from his packaging and promptly overpowers a knife-wielding Master Chief. Arbiter demonstrates superior intelligence and greater gaming skills than that of Master Chief. The two have multiple arguments, particularly on subjects such as Arbiter's opinion on the Heroic Map Pack and whether or not grenade spamming is a valid tactic. Chief becomes irritated, rewording Arbiter's replies and turning them into lewd jokes involving oral sex and Arbiter's mother. He proceeds to thrash Arbiter with a frying pan, upon which Arbiter comments that "This is going to be a great relationship. I can tell." The episode ends with Master Chief reciting his trademark "lololololololol."

Episode 2: "Recon"

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Chief recalls the argument in the previous episode after noticing that Bungie has posted a sarcastic link to the video on their home page. Chief fails to spot this sarcasm, prompting Arbiter to comment on his stupidity and remark that he should "try reading a book one of these days." This is an obvious reference to a YouTube user who had the same argument.

Meanwhile, Master Chief has devised a top-secret plan to obtain the Recon Armor Permutation from Bungie Studios. He reluctantly agrees to reveal his strategy to Arbiter, who is impressed by its complexity, although he notes that the requirements, which include a magnifying glass the size of Redmond, Washington, a team of invisible ninjas, the Batmobile, and the Wikipedia:Millennium Falcon, "are somewhat out of reach." As Chief sulks, Arbiter comforts him, suggesting that he write an email to Bungie asking for the armor and explaining what a huge fan of theirs he is.

Chief follows Arbiter's recommendation. The contents of his email, however, consist of a single sentence: "can I has recon plz". The "z" is repeated many times -- Chief held the "Z" key down for about five minutes, believing that adding more Z's increases his chances of getting the Recon armor. Upon reading the message, Arbiter offers to type an email for Chief. He accepts, recommending that Arbiter claim to have "super cancer" -- a reference to users that request Recon from Bungie under the premise that they have a debilitating illness. The audience is left with a cliffhanger regarding Bungie's response.

Episode 3: "Attitude"

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Amazingly, Chief received the Recon Armor. He proceeds to brag about his new armor to other players, invariably causing them great annoyance, to the point that one player team-kills Chief just so he can be left alone for another few minutes. Arbiter makes a futile attempt to inform Master Chief that no one cares; this angers Chief, who throws the Xbox 360 controller in response.

Master Chief then finds Arbiter's copy of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. He takes the game into the bathroom, snaps the disc in half, and unsuccessfully tries to flush the fragments down the toilet along with the game case. He then attempts to hide what he has done, replacing the game with a poorly-drawn case containing a cookie with a hole in the middle. Arbiter comments that the cookie would probably ruin the Xbox 360 if he tried to play it before forcing Chief to tell him where the real game is. Arbiter is forced to buy a replacement copy and makes Chief unclog the toilet as punishment.

Episode 4: "Melee"

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Arbiter is building levels in Forge while Chief pretends to be drunk on "beer" (actually bottled water). Arbiter challenges him to a one-on-one game, to which Chief accepts the challenge; during the match, Arbiter uses a melee to get a kill that should have been the Chief's; when a simultaneous hit occurs, the melee system gives the kill to the player with the most health, even if the other player meleed slightly sooner than the first one.

Chief, enraged at his loss and his lowered rank, almost sends an angry message to Bungie, while making false claims to Arbiter, such as "Yah but i had more health and i wus fastr." Arbiter convinces him not to send the email, and tells him to chill out. He then asks Chief why he even cares about his rank, noting Chief's obvious complete and total lack of gaming skill, and has a poor kill/death ratio, which, as the Arbiter suggests, "is probably, like, one to twenty." When Arbiter tells Chief to stop being a crybaby, Chief pauses for a moment before replying, "NO U."

Episode 5: "Martyrdom"

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Chief proceeds to play Halo 3 Matchmaking while simultaneously attempting to download 714 GB of pornography. Angered at the resulting and quite foreseeable lag, he tries playing Devil May Cry 4. This shocks Arbiter, as Chief only plays Halo 3 and hates all other games. Chief quickly gets frustrated with this game as well (due to his inability to defeat Berial, the second boss, because he refuses to perform combos with his sword), prompting Arbiter to play Call of Duty 4. Arbiter cancels the Chief's download, causing Chief much anguish.

To cheer Master Chief up, Arbiter offers him a go on Call of Duty 4. Chief tries making his own class, but wants to know what 'Martyrdom' is. Arbiter explains that it is a perk that allows the player to drop a live grenade whenever they die, which is, in his opinion, a cheap and abused game mechanic that gives players kills without having to work for them. Chief mocks Arbiter's reasoning and activates Martyrdom anyway. He starts the match and, unsurprisingly, does terribly, firing at random and grenade spamming. He is quickly killed, but a notification alerts him that the Martyrdom perk killed another player, unlocking the first Martyrdom challenge. Arbiter then gives Master Chief the game's instruction booklet, but Chief ignores it and restarts his porn download, engendered lag while Arbiter continues the Call of Duty match. Arbiter throws a tissue-box at him in frustration.

Episode 6: "Brawl"

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Chief is trying to reach an Easter Egg (the "Half-Naked Guy") in Halo 3, with some help from Arbiter. They believe that there is a hidden section of the level past a nearly-impassable pitfall. The Arbiter makes an unsuccessful attempt at grenade jumping, eliciting laughter from Chief. Chief then attempts the same, but does not even manage to throw a grenade properly. Arbiter mocks Chief, who replies with several mom jokes.

Arbiter then comes up with an idea: he will run and jump, while Chief will fire a rocket at his feet. The two attempt the plan, but Chief fires a rocket directly at Arbiter's back while laughing hysterically. After inquiring as to why Chief decided to shoot him, Chief responds by saying that his "roflcopter" goes "SOI SOI SOI SOI." This makes Arbiter get up and throw down his controller in frustration.

Chief stops Arbiter and asks him for a hug. Arbiter is at first confused by this show of affection by Chief, who asks "Where is the love?", but eventually hugs him, with Chief reassuring him that it is all going to be okay. Arbiter admits that he is very uncomfortable, but tells him that he is proud of him for being more affectionate and walks off, revealing that Chief has taped a piece of paper to his back that reads, "IM STUPED."

The Arbiter decides to play Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Of course, this annoys Chief, who utters some mom jokes and refers to the game as "stupid barbie polly pocket hello kitty meow barney brothers brawl".

Chief, surprisingly, decides to broaden his horizons and tells Arbiter that he wants to play too. Arbiter plays as Wolf, and tells Chief to pick his character. Chief asks why the Master Chief is not available as a character, and Arbiter explains that only Nintendo characters appear, with the exceptions of Solid Snake and Sonic the Hedgehog. Chief retorts that "Mastar Cheef is a pretty cool guy. eh kills aleins and doesnt afraid of anythign." Arbiter tells Chief his sentence did not make any sense, to which Chief quickly responds, "neethar dos ur face." Chief decides to pick Samus because he thinks "he" somewhat resembles the Master Chief. The Arbiter informs the Chief that Samus is a female, which greatly surprises Chief, who is aroused by this revelation and asks for a high-five. Arbiter refuses to engage in the celebration, which angers Chief because he is left hanging. This causes Arbiter to ask what is wrong with Chief, and if he is high. Chief responds that he is "high on life."

They begin the match, and Chief asks how he shoots his laser beam. Arbiter tells him to press B, the red button. Chief complains that the Nintendo GameCube controller is blocky and colorful like Lego before charging his Power Beam and firing it at Arbiter, who easily deflects it back at Chief, knocking him off of the edge of the platform and killing him. Chief suspects hacking on the part of Arbiter and storms off, reciting another creative name for Super Smash Borthers Brawl. It is revealed that the Chief sucks at Super Smash Bros. Brawl, like he does at all games. This angers Chief incredibly, and he proclaims his hate for the game. After saying that Halo 3 is the best game ever, Chief decides to watch cheap porn. Soon after, Arbiter finds the sign on his back, causing Chief to start his roflcopter again and yell, "SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI."

Season Two

Episode 7: "Girls"

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The Chief begins to harass female players on Halo 3 Matchmaking, finding particular enjoyment in the trolling of a player who wears pink armor. The Arbiter soon notices a package near the Chief, and asks what they are. He mistakenly identifies the contained condoms as "secks balloonz". His methods of "pickign up hawt chixxx," which include spraying himself with an entire can of TAG body spray and "inflating" his "seckz bal00ns," prompt the Arbiter to ask the Chief if he is retarded. After finding the Chief chatting with a girl on internet with a condom threaded over his torso, Arbiter decides to teach the Chief how to appropriately behave around girls, even if it kills him.

After a harsh crash course, courtesy of the Arbiter, the Master Chief confronts the same female player he has been chasing. He apologizes for his disgraceful behavior towards her, and upon receiving a nod of thanks from her, lets her play peacefully. Immediately afterwards, the Chief and the Arbiter discover that Jon has just bought a new Cortana action figure. The Chief becomes infatuated with Cortana, but when talking to her, he regresses back to his original, disgraceful attitude towards females, saying "Hello. I must say: you have beautiful eyes... I M34n NIPPL3s!" The Arbiter replies, "Oh, for God's sake!"


Episode 8: "Legendary"

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The Arbiter has recently downloaded the Legendary Map Pack, which he seems to enjoy much more than the Heroic Map Pack. He comments on how good the Forge Filters are, prompting the Chief to suggest that he activate every single one of them. The Arbiter notes that that would be a poor idea for gameplay, stating that "some are made entirely for machinima." He repeatedly asks Chief, "What kind of ignoramus would do that?" The Chief sits on the couch, unresponsive.

Ten minutes later, Chief has created his own map... with all the filters on. He invites his moronic friends to try out his map, and they love it. He also shows the map to the Arbiter, at which point the Chief's lack of mapmaking skill is revealed to the audience. All of the vehicles, weapons, and equipment have been placed in their own spots, which have in turn been barricaded by walls and rendered inaccessible. All of the spawn points have been concentrated in the same location, making team games effectively unplayable. The Chief expresses his belief that a map's "c00ln3ss" is determined by the amount of Forge's budget that has been spent; in order to maximize his map's coolness, the Chief spent all of the remaining Forge money on every interesting-looking object he could find, which he placed into a messy, incoherent pile.

Both the Arbiter and Cortana agree that Chief's map is "The worst piece of shit map I've ever seen in my life", provoking an offensive and sexist reply from Chief. Cortana proceeds to strike Chief with Jon's saucepan and ask the Arbiter, "You live with this douchebag?" The Arbiter offers her a high five.

Episode 9: "Newcomers"

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The Arbiter is playing Halo 3 Matchmaking with a group of extremely serious players who claim that the match "is such a big deal." While they have an explicit argument over which gamer was more serious, Chief is bashing the then-new Grand Theft Auto IV on the internet. As per usual, he makes fun of the Arbiter's mother before noticing that another package has arrived for Jon; he wonders what its contents are. Later in the night, he hears a disturbing crash. He discovers the contents of the package have broken out. He reaches for a kitchen knife, and discovers Halo 3 Master Chief and Brute Chieftain action figures. He flees, screaming, but all they wanted was food and beer.

The Arbiter gets along well with the new Master Chief, named Todd, after Todd McFarlane. Todd also introduces Travis, the Brute Chieftain, who gets on with the Chief despite Chief's complete lack of intelligence; Todd claims that Travis is similarly stupid. Cortana meets Todd, and the two appear to be instantly attracted to each other; the Chief notices and becomes angered by this.

Episode 10: "Cortana"

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While the Arbiter and Travis play Grand Theft Auto IV, with Travis making a nuisance of himself by repeatedly asking the Arbiter to do something other than missions, the Chief attempts to break up Todd and Cortana. His first plan involves phoning the police on Jon's mobile phone. He tells them that a man five inches tall (Todd) has stolen his girlfriend. The policeman hangs up in disbelief.

Chief's second breakup attempt involves showing Cortana fake evidence of Todd cheating on her. He shows her a very poorly drawn picture of Todd and another girl. Sarcastically, Cortana comments on the authenticity of the picture, but says she can't be sure, since Todd and Chief are both Master Chief figurines. Chief comes up with one last idea: "KIL T0D".

Episode 11: "Conflict (Part 1 of 2)"

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Frustrated with the failure of his previous two plots, the Chief goes to the Arbiter, whom he finds playing Grand Theft Auto IV with one of the Chief's friends: Jeremy, an annoying gangster wannabe kid with the gamertag "xxxSmok3w33d4lyph420xxx" ("Smoke weed for life").

The Chief tells the Arbiter that Travis and Todd are "pissign meh off" (with Travis having tricked the Chief into reciting a terrible pickup line to Cortana, prompting her to hurl the Chief into a mirror with enough force to break it). He moves very close to Arbiter and says he is "gon t33ch BOTH thoes asshoelz a les0n tehy wil NEVAR FORG3T". That night, Chief grabs a kitchen knife and approaches Todd and Travis. Todd wakes up to see the Chief staring at him. Travis wakes up, drunk and totally confused. Todd asks what time it is, and Chief simply replies, "it r tiem 2 dai, tod. tiem 2 dai." Chief then charges at Todd, swinging the knife in a violent manner while shouting, "MAI ROFLKNIEF GOEZ SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC SLIEC LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL."

Episode 12: "Conflict (Part 2 of 2)"

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Picking up right where part one left off, Master Chief closes in on Todd, preparing to plunge a kitchen knife into him. Travis tackles and pins Chief to the floor and begins battering him. Chief fakes a surrender before kicking Travis in the testicles to escape and make a second attempt to murder Todd. The two seem evenly matched, until Chief distracts Todd by pointing behind him, proclaiming, "HOLEH MUTHR OF GOD L@@K OTU ITS TEH COVERNINT".

Todd, distracted, is quickly whacked with a frying pan. The Chief comments that "TEH ROFLKNIEF DEMANDZ BLOOD TOD! C? LISEN", before the ROFLknife comments in a high-pitched voice, "BLUD PLZ, K THX LOL!" Just as Chief is about to finish off his adversary, the Arbiter and Cortana intervene. Todd informs the two of Chief's actions, while Travis continues to lie on the ground, writhing in pain. The Arbiter and Cortana then drag the Chief away for a talk.

The Arbiter pins the Master Chief to the wall and demands that he apologize to Todd and Travis for what he did. When he refuses, Cortana kicks him in the crotch, noting that, "You could have seriously hurt someone." The Chief replies, "Tahts teh idea u skank!", provoking repeated kicks until he gives in and agrees to apologize. The Arbiter and Cortana take him to Todd and Travis, only to find that the Chief merely pretended to be apologetic. The Chief states, "Tod... travis... im... sry...... TAHT UR SO GHEY", and is promptly dragged away again.

Later the same morning, Arbiter is playing Halo 3 online with an annoying player, who keeps "mindlessly spamming grenades into the elevator." The player displays terrible aiming skills when he is killed from the rear. The Chief appears, and takes the Arbiter's controller from him.

The two begin to argue about the Chief's new desire for Bungie Armor. The Arbiter tells the Chief he should be grateful for his Recon armor; the Chief replies that he does not care about Recon now, and only wants the flaming helmet. After the two finish the short argument, Cortana arrives and reveals that Todd and Travis have mysteriously disappeared. She blames the most likely culprit (the Chief), who denies any involvement in their disappearance. After exchanging insults with each other, Cortana warns Chief that if he did have something to do with Todd and Travis' disappearance, he would be "very, very sorry."

When Cortana leaves, Arbiter calmly and directly asks Chief where they are. Chief still claims that it wasn't his fault, prompting the Arbiter to utter the last line in the episode: "Well, if not you... then who?"

Season Three

Episode 13: "Cold"

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Jon arranges to meet someone on the phone, presumably a friend of his. He has to negotiate a place to meet on foot, as he cannot find his wallet, which holds his driver's license. After he leaves, the Arbiter, Cortana, and the Chief instantly resume their routine. As the Arbiter resumes a game, the Chief begins browsing Jon's wallet, which he stole. Cortana takes it back from him.

The following day, the Arbiter discovers that the Chief sat outside panhandling for over seven hours, failing terribly. When the Arbiter asks him why he's trying to get money, Chief tells him he wants to get the Cold Storage map for Halo 3, unaware of the fact that it is free. When he is told by the Arbiter, Chief is very surprised that Bungie would distribute downloadable content for free.

The next morning, Chief discovers that the map has been deleted off the hard drive. The Arbiter explains it wasn't him and states that Cortana had no plans to do so. They start to think that Todd and Travis's disappearance and the deletion of the map are linked.

Episode 14: "Wedding"

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Originally the name of Episode 14 was going to be "Warped"; it was changed by Jon Graham to "Wedding".

During a game of Grifball (which the Chief and the Arbiter both hate), their friend introduces them to Gregory and Sarah, who are, for some reason, out of breath. The Arbiter asks why they are out of breath, and Greg responds that Grifball is his workout. Their friend then asks them to join Greg and Sarah's wedding, which will be conducted over Xbox Live. The Chief lashes out and calls them "fags", but the Arbiter politely agrees to go.

Chief becomes enraged and says "wtf waz taht". Arbiter stops him and asks him to go because he does not want to go alone, stating that it will be "awkward as shit." The Chief turns around and asks for twenty dollars. The Arbiter says fifteen, and the Chief "haggles" for ten. The Arbiter agrees and the episode goes on.

The wedding is conducted on a Forged Foundry variant. The Chief frequently swears, saying it is "sum gay ass shit." A white Spartan acts as a preacher and begins, after brief difficulty, to play the appropriate wedding music through his headset. At this point, the Arbiter expresses the ridiculousness of the situation, and tells the Chief that he is all for online matchmaking, but this is going too far. Cortana enters and states that "I think this is very sweet," to which the Chief says, "U WUD!" The red Spartan then tells them to be quiet, to which the Chief replies "NO U"..

Sarah walks out to the altar, while the Chief sexually harasses her, telling her she has a "nice ass baby". The white Spartan begins to read the marriage speech, while the Chief is looking around the room and notices that the entire perimeter is lined with Fusion Coils. When the white Spartan asks if anyone objects to the wedding, the Chief objects, swears angrily, picks up his Sniper Rifle, and lands a headshot on the red Spartan. He then begins to charge his Spartan Laser, saying "IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZAAAAH!", and then yells "SHOOP DA WOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!" as it fires, destroying one Fusion Coil. The blast triggers a massive chain reaction, setting off all of the Fusion Coils at the altar and killing the priest, bride, and groom. The Arbiter and the Chief quickly flee the scene as the Chief laughs hysterically. After an argument about the Chief ruining the wedding, the Arbiter admits that the Chief's gatecrash was funny, and after some silence, asks the Chief if he wants to do it again. The Chief replies "dayum RITE SON," and they bump fists.

Episode 15: Professional (Part 1 of 3)

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Arbiter is playing Brothers In Arms: Hell's Highway when Master Chief wants him to see new gameplay footage from then-unreleased Halo 3: ODST. The Arbiter is reluctant, heavily suspecting it to be a trick, but finally gives in. The video that he plays opens with the game's title, but suddenly switches to the video of the song "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Enraged at being Rickrolled, the Arbiter throws the tissue box at the Master Chief, who used the Rickroll to distract the Arbiter so he could get the Xbox. The Chief then tells the Arbiter that he wants him to meet a friend of his. The Arbiter originally hesitates, due to bad memories from Chief's other friends, but finally agrees. Chief's new friend is a mediocre player named Craig, who claims to be an MLG professional. The Chief idolizes Craig because he disobeys his parents and refuses to clean his room.

The Chief and the Arbiter meet up with Craig and his girlfriend, Krystal, who freely admits to having no personality. Craig chats with the Arbiter and the Chief, and frequently whispers to Krystal that the Chief and the Arbiter are both losers. The Master Chief continuously asks Craig if he can be in MLG too, but Craig keeps telling him to practice more. The Arbiter begins to question Craig's connection with MLG, prompting Craig to make up a series of excuses. After a bit, the Arbiter leaves with a positive message. After the Arbiter and the Chief leave, Craig brags to Krystal that he once almost drank a whole can of beer.

Following that, the Arbiter gets a headache from having to deal with Craig. The Chief scolds the Arbiter for not being nice to Craig. Arbiter then tells Chief that he hates Craig and that Craig reaffirms him of Chief's bad taste in friends, much to the Chief's surprise. The Chief shakes this off and tells the Arbiter that he is simply jealous of Craig because he is MLG.

The next day, Arbiter gets a Budweiser can from the fridge. As he walks, he sees the Chief sitting in a corner and crying. The Chief tells Arbiter that Craig and his friends insulted him and made him cry. This makes the Arbiter explain to Chief that perhaps he should learn to pick better friends. Then the Chief reveals that Craig called the Arbiter a "cockmongling queefburg3r"; the Arbiter drops his can of beer in shock and anger. He then picks up Chief, scaring him, and says, "We're going to have a little chat with Craig."

Episode 16: Face Off (Part 2 of 3)

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Craig is talking to two people who have signed into MLG. They brag about "playing Halo 3 everyday and getting laid every night." Then a player comes up to them and tells them that it's okay joining MLG, and that he lost twenty pounds and met a nice girl. Craig and the two guys laugh, claim that the gameroom is for professional MLG players only, and boot the player.

The Arbiter joins the room and approaches them. He asks Craig what his problem is, prompting Craig to ask, "Does he need his diaper changed?" The Arbiter tells him to apologize to the Chief, who is still crying about Craig making fun of him. Craig then offers to apologize if Chief can beat him in a one-on-one Halo 3 match. The Arbiter argues, claiming that playing a game of Halo 3 won't prove anything, but is eventually forced to accept after Craig refuses to change his terms. Craig yells that the match will be a ten-point Slayer battle on Blackout.

The Chief runs to the bathroom and locks the door, badly upset and believing that he has no chance against Craig. The Arbiter tries to motivate the Chief into playing, offers to watch "Keys to the VIP." Chief refuses and Arbiter tells him not to worry by telling him that he's "awesome at Halo." The Chief asks whether or not he will "get all the bitc3z" if he wins. The Arbiter says yes, and the Chief immediately decides to accept the challenge.

Episode 17: Showdown (Part 3 of 3)

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The Chief drinks a lot of beer before the match as a way to improve his abilities, only to be told by the Arbiter that the beer is non-alcoholic. While the Chief is checking the beer can, the Arbiter turns off Chief's controller and connects his own so it will be him fighting Craig.

When the match starts, Craig immediately grabs the Energy Sword and Rocket Launcher. Craig then goes on to camp in one spot with the weapons and a stockpile of grenades, killing the Arbiter several times. The Chief gets up to get more beer and discovers that the Arbiter has actually playing the entire time, at which point he runs off. The Arbiter follows, leaving his controller alone. Left with nothing to do and no opponent to kill, Craig gloats to himself about how good he is, and begins masturbating. His mother walks in and catches him, and the two, along with Craig's father, have an argument, distracting Craig from the game.

After the Arbiter tells the Chief he has faith in him, reminding him of all the good times they've shared, the Chief reenters the match, and easily kills the absent Craig and wins the match, as Craig is no longer playing. While performing the final kill, the Chief exclaims to the absent Craig, "MLG? I disagree!" and snipes the Fusion Coils next to Craig, killing him. Craig is then heard crying intensely.

After his victory, Chief becomes famous for beating an MLG player. The young player from Part Two enters a game and finds Chief talking to Craig's ex-girlfriend, Krystal, and starts asking him questions on how he defeated Craig. The Chief condescendingly tells the player to leave, calling him a noob and landing a headshot on the player.

It turns out that Chief has become even worse than Craig. After the young player is killed, Krystal giggles, which causes the Chief to stare at her for several seconds. The Chief aggressively says "Titties or GTFO!" Krystal gasps in offense and beats the Chief to death. The Chief LOLs uncontrollably as his corpse rolls down a hill. At the very end, Chief appears fullscreen and "bwewrolls" anyone who watched the whole video.

Note: This episode was briefly removed from YouTube as a result of a copyright claim by a mysterious person known as "Mohammed Pabel Miah." Apparently, according to Jon Graham, the episode "depicted a young man masturbating", which goes against "Mohammed"'s religion (Islam). However, the situation was sorted out and the video is currently back up on YouTube. Jon was severely annoyed by the situation, not just because of the pulling, but because of the people spouting hate on his forums and sending hate e-mail about "Mohammed." At one point he even called them "f*ckheads" because it became so annoying.

Episode 18: Glitch

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The Arbiter downloads the "New Xbox Experience", and thinks he is playing the Nintendo Wii for a second. While sarcastically commenting on the new Player Avatar feature, he fails to notice when the Chief walks by and expresses suicidal intentions. The Arbiter later finds the Chief in the oven. Chief asks the Arbiter to turn the oven on, and the Arbiter asks the Chief why he is killing himself. The Chief says it is too sad to tell. He explains that he lost his Katana, and brings the Arbiter to Halo 3 to show him how much of a big deal is.

On Snowbound, three Spartans are inside a base. The Arbiter appears and finds out that a glitch in Halo 3 causes Security shoulders and Hayabusa Katanas to disappear, and certain achievements can't be unlocked. He also finds out that because of this, all Halo 3 games on Xbox Live are filled with rioters, seeing one Spartan kill another over the issue. A blue Spartan tells the Arbiter that this chaos is happening everywhere, describing an event during a Forge match, when his Spartan friend killed himself in-game after writing a message spelled with weapons, simply saying, "Why?" In a series of scenes from across Xbox Live, various other players are shown killing themselves, one is trampled, and another vomits.

The video ends with the message, "To Be Concluded".

Episode 19: Panic

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On Snowbound, two players and the Arbiter are taking refuge in the Ice Cave. One of the players explains to the Arbiter that his yellow-armored friend has been driven nearly insane, and that he's been talking to himself. The Arbiter tells him he's a douche, makes fun of his gamertag (assassininja4827) by calling him an "ass ninja" and his age to be making a big deal out of playing Halo 3 (thirty-nine) and states that Halo 3 is only a game. Assassininja takes out his pistol and points it at the Arbiter's head, and the other two players point their weapons at him and tell him to drop the gun. The three begin to yell at each other to the point where all they are yelling is gibberish.

Meanwhile, in Avalanche, a Warthog drives by. Two Bungie staff members ride in the Warthog, announcing that a solution to the problem is being worked on by Bungie as they speak. A player responds aggressively, throwing a grenade at the Warthog while yelling, "Repent!" The passenger, Bill, is thrown from the vehicle and killed. The driver melodramatically grieves the loss of his fellow comrade, claiming that he always told Bill to wear his seatbelt, but Bill never listened and has now "paid the price."

The driver is then thrown out of the seat. The attacking player pulls out a Brute Shot. He metaphorically compares the Brute Shot's bayonet to his lost Katana ("This blade... is for taking my blade... FROM ME!"), and proceeds to brutally slit the driver's throat.

Back at the Ice Cave, the four are still arguing, with the Arbiter claiming that the loss is trivial, and telling the others to stop being so dramatic. One of the Spartans, clad in red armor, suddenly realizes that the glitch has now affected him by removing his Katana. Driven to insanity by his loss, he aims his shotgun at the Arbiter. The Chief suddenly appears, tackling the red Spartan "FOR GRAET JUSTIS." The blue Spartan panics and tackles assassininja, and a noisy three-way brawl breaks out.

The Arbiter backs away, commenting on the ridiculousness of the situation, and a green Spartan shows up. The green Spartan announces that Bungie has found a solution to the problem; while they haven't yet figured out exactly what's wrong, anyone who has simply unlocked the original forty-nine Achievements that shipped with the game has nothing to worry about. The fight instantly stops, and the red and blue players immediately proceed to play a game together as if nothing ever happened. The yellow Spartan invites the Chief to a game; the Chief rejects the offer, stating that he plans to get the remaining achievements. The Spartan calls the Arbiter an asshole, and then notes that he has to leave. The Arbiter counters, asking if assassininja is late for a prostate exam; the latter replies, "Go fuck yourself."

The Arbiter leaves, saying that he is leaving to get a beer. The Chief says, "TO THEETR MOED", announcing plans to upload a screenshot to his Myspace.

After the credits, the Arbiter is seen telling the viewer that rushing to make an account with the gamertag "assasinninja4827, assninja4827, or some variation" will not impress anybody. He then proceeds to simply proclaim, "Owned."

Episode 20: Cheater

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The Arbiter comes into the living room to find Chief watching Halo 3 game strategy videos on the Xbox Dashboard, claiming he's "SIK OF FGTS KILIGN MEH IN HALO." The videos are made by an idiotic staff member of "Stupid Obvious Information Magazine" named Josh Butterballs, who calls the game "Halo 3: Combat Evolved." Josh then proceeds to play the game, incorrectly coining weapons and other Xbox-related things such as Achievements, all the while giving ridiculously obvious tips ("Now, what you're gonna wanna do is always try to aim for your opponent's head.") to be written down and used.

A while later, Chief complains to Arbiter that he still sucks after writing down the tips from the video, to which Arbiter admits that he is glad that the Chief has finally acknowledged his low skill level at Halo. The Chief asks the Arbiter for help, but which the Arbiter declines, calling the Chief a "lost cause." The Chief then despondently takes a walk through Blackout. Suddenly, a mysterious person lures him into a room, claiming to have overheard the Chief and Arbiter's conversation. He offers the Chief cheats, and Chief immediately shuns him. When the hacker begins to walk out of the room, however, the Chief turns around and takes the offer.

The scene cuts to Valhalla, where the Arbiter runs into the open area, only to find all of the players in the match just standing around. He rushes over and asks what's going on, and they explain that somebody has used a speed hack to bolt around and get to the top of the tower. Two Spartans are then sniped by an auto-lock hack. Chief laughs at himself being able to kill people with the pull of a trigger. Arbiter comes up behind the tower and warns Chief that hacking will get the account, which both of them use, banned, but Chief blows him off and turns around.

A Bungie representative appears behind Chief and knocks him off the tower. He then pulls out a Gravity Hammer and screams at the Chief. The Bungie rep calmly explains to the Arbiter that the Chief lit up on the anti-cheat measures like a Christmas tree. He then proceeds to scream at the Chief, "So, what do you have to say for yourself? Huh? HUH?! HOW LONG DID YOU THINK YOUR LITTLE CHEATING SPREE WAS GOING TO LAST, YOU LITTLE BITCH?!?!" The Chief begs for the rep to spare him.

The Arbiter asks if the Gravity Hammer the Bungie employee wields is the fabled Banhammer. The rep replies, "In all its glory." The Arbiter explains that the gamertag is used by the both of them, asking the rep if he could somehow punish the Chief and only the Chief. The rep decides not to ban him, opting to do the next worst thing: take away the Chief's Recon armor permutation.

Later, when the Chief expresses his hatred for Bungie, the Arbiter explains that Chief deserved having his Recon taken away, that Chief was a "fucking idiot" for cheating, and that they were lucky to not be banned. Chief then turns on another Halo strategy video, yet again hosted by Josh Butterballs, who says that shooting an enemy with the "[M41 Surface-to-Surface Rocket Medium Anti-Vehicle/Assault Weapon|Rocket Gun]]" will make enemy players explode faster than a Flood Carrier Form, laughing hysterically at his own joke and rationalizing it to death. Chief makes one final "lol" at the joke before the credits begin.

Episode 21: Company, Part 1

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The Arbiter is watching an extremely basic Halo 3 machinima called "The Adventures of Frank and Joe." The titular characters proceed to banter aimlessly with extremely obvious and babyish dialogue that disgusts the Arbiter and nearly drives him to slit his wrists. The Chief soon rushes in and and asks, "u no hwo a l0t of kidz maek crapppy machimna??" The Arbiter replies, "Oh, I'm aware," turning to the screen to see an Elite killing Frank and Joe, saying "Double Kill," and proceeding to teabag them.

The Chief then suggests that the two of them create their own machinima production company. The Arbiter initially proclaims that "that is a lame idea," but eventually agrees upon realizing that he has nothing better to do. The two of them set off to work, despite their lack of plot ideas. The Arbiter then tells the Chief to remove his tie because it "makes him look retarded," The Chief, who is wearing the loop of the tie around his head because of his small size, states that because he is the president of a company, he needs to look like a businessman. The Arbiter reminds the Chief that there is no one else around and that it isn't even a real company. This greatly angers the Chief, who tells the Arbiter to return to thinking of ideas. The Chief claims that he has done a lot of work, despite the fact that all he has done is draw a "giant dong" on a whiteboard with a "baby penis on board."

Seven weeks later, the Chief has finally completed the script for "The Shawshank Redemption 2: Taking Back Manhattan," which has over five thousand character even, though he has only hired three children as voice actors. The kids whine and the Chief explains that the filming should be closed in two months. The kids then complain that they want to be paid. The Chief is confused by this and the Arbiter tells him that they want money just like everybody else. The Chief then tells him to fetch Jon's wallet for cash. Soon one of the actors decides to leave the film. Annoyed, the Chief turns back to the remaining actors and says that the three of them shall make the machinima. The episode ends with a cliffhanger.

Episode 22: Party

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The Arbiter wakes up on the couch with a hangover. He is unaware of last night's events, makes a "lame-ass Halo pun" (his head feels like it "was hit by a Warthog"), and figures he is messed up. He first looks towards the beer cans, remarking that he doesn't even like beer or drink alcohol. As he holds one, a flashback (in annotation form) is triggered...

Flashback A: Night Of The First Day

The Master Chief walks up to Arbiter, who is downloading the Mythic Map Pack. The Arbiter expresses interest in Orbital and Sandbox, but pans Assembly, remarking it's "like a less sucky Midship". Chief suggests they "GIT THEIR DRINKS ON" because Jon bought an "assload" of beer. He pressures the Arbiter into joining him.

The flashback ends. Arbiter drops the empty beer can and walks over to the modem. He pulls a large cable that looks like multiple USB cables tied together with duct tape out of the modem, triggering another annotation flashback...

Flashback B: Night Of The First Day, 18 Hours After Release

A drunken Arbiter and Chief are on the couch, complaining about the slow Internet connection, which is like "a slow turtle... that's dead. From... turtle cancer..." which the two laugh about. Chief eventually gets the idea to turn three Ethernet cables into a single mega-cable to let the "internet fit through it better." The Arbiter expresses worry that he'll mess up and disconnect their internet access altogether, so the Chief cuts the wires open and duct tapes them together. He then solders the mega-cable in the toaster. Chief suggests that they drink whiskey while they wait for it to solder.

The flashback ends. The Arbiter drops the Ethernet cable, and walks over to a pile of whiskey bottles. As this triggers another flashback, the Arbiter comments, "This just keeps getting better and better..."

Flashback C: Night of the First Day, 19 Hours After Release

The Arbiter expresses shock that the "super internet cable" actually worked. Growing impatient once again, the Chief gets an idea to super-charge the modem. He asks the Arbiter to retrieve some AA batteries while he finds some copper wire. The Chief promptly tapes the batteries together with tape and wire, which is attached to a plug plugged into the wall. The Arbiter expresses worry about plugging two appliances into one outlet, but the two proceed, and, amazingly, this idea works as well. The two then proceed to play on Sandbox. When they encounter a young, whiny player who constantly nags others for help with finding the Sandbox Skull; the Chief bullies the player by constantly throwing Kill Balls at him. Eventually, Chief gets another idea...

The flashback ends. The Arbiter walks into the kitchen. After climbing on top of the counter, he looks at a pile of papers with Lucky Charms marshmallows, triggering another flashback...

Flashback D: Night Of The First Day, 20 Hours After Release

The Arbiter tells the Chief, "I don't think you can smoke cereal," to which the Chief, now heavily drunk, responds with an arrogant, "YES U CAN. I HERD IT SOMWHAR." He admits that he has not heard this anywhere almost immediately, but does not change his decision. After wrapping it up in a tissue, he says he need to "asploed" the cereal and asks for Jon's shoe, which he promptly beats the "joint" with. While beating the cereal, the Chief giggles, apparently amused by the idea of beating things with shoes. The Chief lights the cereal, yells, "O MAN. IM SO HIIIIIIIGH," and runs off, saying he wants to go swimming. The Arbiter walks over to the couch and passes out mere seconds before the modem saps all power from the house, causing all the lights to short-circuit. This severely frightens the Chief, prompting him to shout, "HOLY FUCK THE HOUSE JUST EXPLODED."

The final flashback ends. The Arbiter, having remembered where the Chief is, walks towards the bathroom, calling out the Chief's name. Apparently, the Chief went swimming in the toilet. The Arbiter remarks that the Chief should have went in the bath instead, considering the "pretty big turd" in the toilet.

Jon said that he released Party because Machinima.org tasked him with making a video that used YouTube's annotation feature.

Episode 23: Company, Part 2

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The Arbiter is playing Halo 3 when the Chief calls him to work on the machinima production. The Master Chief then faxes over a non-disclosure agreement for the Arbiter to sign. When the Arbiter refuses to sign it, Chief faxes another paper for him to sign that will authorize federal action if the Arbiter continues to refuse. With that, the Arbiter furiously enters the Chief's room and notes that the Chief, still wearing his tie, is not doing anything. The Master Chief responds that he is doing the paperwork, but the Arbiter quickly notes that the papers are all blank.

The Arbiter then tells him that the Chief bloated the machinima project out of all proportion, "taking all the humanity" out of a fun pastime and filling it with legal jargon. Then he proceeds to recite with the famous quote, "You can also give this a little tug while you're at it," patting his groin, and exiting. The Master Chief finds his actors on Xbox Live, who have decided to quit because the Arbiter told them about the Chief's extremely obnoxious ways. They then tell the Chief to read the forms which the Arbiter gave to him. The forms are signed in succession, "FUCK" and "YOU." The Master Chief simply says, "That son of a bitch."

Episode 24: Evil

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The Arbiter and the Chief are playing Resident Evil 5, with both of them commenting on the various absurdities of the second Uroboros boss fight, which requires the use of a nearby flamethrower. The Arbiter remarks that the boss fight is as repetitive (almost) as an online review of the game from Josh Butterballs, who repeatedly comments (over the course of two weeks) that the game is good, but not scary.

Later, the Arbiter is playing on Valhalla when he sees two players protesting against Resident Evil 5. Wondering aloud why he can never find a normal match in Halo 3 anymore, the Arbiter approaches the players and asks why they are protesting. They claim that Resident Evil 5 is racist and insensitive, before asking him if he is the Arbiter. The Arbiter replies, "How did you know?" The two players tell him that the Chief had previously warned them that the Arbiter would try to stop the protest. The Chief then joins the game and joins in with the protest.

The Arbiter, exasperated that the Chief has joined the protest for no apparent reason, notes that Chief was playing the game with him only twenty minutes ago. The Arbiter and the two protesters then debate the game's alleged racism; as they do so, the Chief melees the lid off of a box whose label stated that it contained Chris Redfield's penis. The Arbiter points out that no one complained when countless Spanish villagers were being killed in Resident Evil 4, but the protestors counter by reminding the Arbiter that Africa's current state of affairs, in which disease, famine, and civil war are very real problems, effectively renders the Arbiter's previous observation moot, as Spain currently has no such issues to deal with.

Later, the Chief is yet again playing Resident Evil 5. The Arbiter, surprisingly, is not playing; he is instead contemplating the protesters' allegations of insensitivity, and wondering whether they were indeed right. The Arbiter then returns to the protesters on Valhalla, saying that the game may be bit insensitive, but only inadvertently so, and that they should enjoy the game for what it is: a well-made piece of entertainment. Furthermore, he remarks that, "omitting certain races from equal digital punishment and focusing on our differences is only holding us back in the long run." The protesters reluctantly agree, and they discontinue their protest.

Later, the Chief and the Arbiter are playing Resident Evil 5. The Arbiter asks Chief for help with unlocking an item in the game. The Chief denies his request, but after some more prodding from the Arbiter, the Chief agrees to help, answering with a quote from Albert Wesker: "Sevin minits, sevin minits is al i can spaer 2 pleh w/ u." This angers the Arbiter, who tells the Chief that if he says one more Albert Wesker quote, he is going to "beat [the Chief's] ass". After a moment of brief, disturbing silence, the Chief yells "CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!". The Arbiter then tackles the Chief and proceeds to beat him up. While getting his ass severely beaten by the Arbiter, the Chief exclaims one final Albert Wesker quote before the credits role: "UR FUTUR HINGES UPON THIS FIGHT!"

Episode 25: King

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The Arbiter and the Chief are playing on Xbox Live, and the Arbiter vetoes a Rockets match on Snowbound. Instead, to the Arbiter's anguish, they play Crazy King on Guardian. Soon after the game starts, a glitch occurs and the game pauses, but leaves the players still able to move around, kill each other, and talk. Among the other players are two extremely immature children who are fascinated with Arby 'n' the Chief, one Darkspire Films fan ("Gynecoologist"), one Red vs. Blue fan ("Butt Beard"), one neutral player who hangs out with Gynecoologist ("Colbert Fan"), and a neutral member of Anonymous who actively enjoys watching conflicts.

Everyone immediately begins to bicker about the different machinimas, with Butt Beard commenting that Rooster Teeth are automatically the best because they were the first producers of Halo machinima. Soon the initial argument dies down as the Gynecoologist, Butt Beard, and the Anonymous member all ragequit. The two annoying kids then look for people willing to sign a petition for Jon CJG to change his name back to Digital Ph33r, and when nobody does, they start asking the Chief trivial questions about Jon's personal life and requesting that he say famous quotes from the series, such as "soi soi soi soi soi" and ":(". Meanwhile, the Arbiter has a discussion with Anon and soon decides to settle the argument.

The Arbiter convinces Butt Beard that his argument is stupid and that, as he is an aspiring romantic novelist, hypocritical; if he can shoot down other people who are trying to bring something new to machinima, why shouldn't other people shoot down what he is trying to bring to the romance genre? He also convinces Gynecoologist that it is unfair to discredit other peoples' opinions simply because they are different than his own, and that the two fans of Jon CJG should try to be less obsessed about the details of Jon's personal life. He also points out to everyone that since the different machinima producers would probably get along very well if they were to meet in real life, their fans have no reason to bicker as they are. Everyone agrees that their respective favored machinimas have competition, and immediately afterward the game returns to normal. The area erupts in a battle, and momentarily the Arbiter seems to emerge victorious, only to be assassinated by the Chief.

Later, the fates of Todd, Travis, and Cortana are all revealed. Apparently, Todd and Travis were Gynecoologist and Colbert Fan, respectively, who were granted one last game of Halo 3 by the alien they were revealed to be abducted by after their fight with the Chief (it is noted that this alien happens to look suspiciously like Jon's chin). During the abduction, Travis had attempted to leave a message explaining his fate, but he had only managed to delete the Cold Storage map. Todd notes that if this was a web series, then this scene would be an extremely bad way to fill in a plot hole; Cortana merely expresses happiness at the prospect of being light-years away from the Chief. The alien returns and, offscreen, makes love to Todd and Travis's butts before eating them alive. The alien, having no desire for females, opts instead to place Cortana in an escape pod and fire her into a nearby star.

Endgame

Endgame is the originally intended finale for Arby 'n' the Chief before the debut of the sequel series Arby 'n' the Chief: In LA. It is split into six parts.

Episode 26: Endgame, Part One

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The episode opens with the Chief playing Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare 2, displaying his usual complete lack of skill and complaining about the game nonstop, ranging from the weapons to the Killcam. Annoyed, the Arbiter suggests that he just play Halo 3 instead.

The scene cuts to a chase in the woods, with a Russian agent pursuing a man with a horrible hairdo and who does cocaine even when being chased. This leads the man, Scott, to trip over a root. The Russian agent, Smirnoff, accuses him of hacking online video games and of smuggling cocaine in Canada and Russia for sixteen years, and follows it up by pronouncing Mother Russia's punishment upon him: thirty-seven consecutive death sentences. Scott attempts to bribe the agent with American cigarettes and then some cocaine, but the agent refuses. Scott then throws cocaine in the Smirnoff's face and escapes.

A month later, the Chief is still playing Modern Warfare 2, and is still horrible. While playing "Mile High Club," he shoots a hostage, mistaking him for a terrorist, and promptly loses. He then decides to play Halo 3.

Episode 27: Endgame, Part Two

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The Chief and the Arbiter are playing Halo 3, whereupon another player insults the Chief for his username. As they bicker, and as the Chief uses some more mom jokes, he complains that he can't hear what the other person is saying because of the extremely loud music in Jon's apartment. The Arbiter informs him that, since Jon has been falling behind in rent, Jon has allowed Scott to share the room as long as they share the payments. He then tells Chief that they do not have to worry about Scott, as he thinks that they are hallucinations due to his high substance abuse. Scott then comes out, eats a cocaine sandwich, breaks much of Jon's silverware, and leaves.

In the meantime, the argument between the Chief and the other person has come to a head. The Chief at one point even farts into the microphone. Finally the Arbiter intervenes and says, "Settle down, it's just a game." Curiously, he notices that a female player in the game had said the exact same thing at the exact same time. The Arbiter instantly is struck by her, until he is distracted by the Chief telling him that his armor "aspl0ded." The Arbiter realizes that his helmet has fallen off and quickly becomes depressed by the knowledge that, as action figures, he and the Chief are bound to fall apart sooner or later. The Chief tries to comfort him by telling him that his visor also comes right off.

Still unhappy, the Arbiter talks to the girl, whose name is Claire. Ironically, the Arbiter lies about his name to Claire as the Chief berates him for hitting on a girl in a video game. The episode ends as the Chief kills the player he was arguing with. Claire asks in disgust who that was, to which the Arbiter replies that he has no idea.

Episode 28: Endgame, Part Three

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On Sandtrap, two overly zealous "professional" players discuss and complain about how too many people don't play Halo with even a little bit of professionalism. They see someone walking towards them, and attempt to snipe the player. No matter how many times they shoot him, he does not die. One of them, in a panic, flees, while the other is lagged out by the player, screaming. Later, the professional who had fled returns to find the other slumped helplessly against a wall, claiming that he was lagged out. The third player then returns and lags him out as well.

In Jon's apartment, the Arbiter, helmet off, is instant messaging Claire. He complains that, without body language on MSN, he has no idea what she means by what she says. He types an offer to play more together, eventually having lunch some time, but does not press enter. His hand continues to hover over the Enter key as he debates whether or not he should send the message; suddenly, the Chief comes in, startling the Arbiter and causing him to accidentally hit the key, sending the message. The Arbiter angrily berates the Chief, who still has not gotten over the loss of his Recon. The Arbiter tells him that most kids attempt to get Recon armor by faking an illness, usually brain cancer, but advises the Chief to think of something more original. The Chief thanks him and tells the Arbiter that he is his best friend. The Arbiter coldly reminds him that he is his only friend. When he looks back at the computer screen, Claire has replied, warmly accepting his offer.

Episode 29: Endgame, Part Four

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In an attempt to impress Bungie into giving him back his Recon, the Chief cuts off his own foot with a knife. As the Arbiter tends to the wound, he tells the Chief that he was being sarcastic when he told him to be a bit more "original." As they argue, they hear a loud noise. They peek in Scott's room to discover him trying to use the computer, unaware that it is off, and at the same time trying to smoke eight cigarettes simultaneously. Eventually he decides that he wants to have sex, and orders two hundred prostitutes with Jon's credit card. The Chief and Arbiter are both furiscandalized. The Chief intends to call the police, but the Arbiter reminds him that, if Scott disappeared, they wouldnt be able to pay rent and they would end up packed in a box and sent to the Salvation Army. After the Chief's first idea - "WE HAZ 2 SLIT HIS THROATS" - is rejected, he adds that, after they kill him, they will sell his organs to the Chinese. The Arbiter pauses, then replies, "I can't believe I was actually considering that."

Later, the Arbiter is on a "date" with Claire on Last Resort, watching the waves on the beach. The Arbiter is clearly disgruntled by this, although he manages not to let Claire know. In the meantime, the Chief offers him a condom. When the Arbiter returns his attention to Claire, she mentions that a hacker has been ruining the online experience for weeks now, and that even Bungie can't stop him. Shocked, the Arbiter realizes that Scott is the hacker, but unfortunately he expresses his revelation out loud and accidentally let slip that his name is not Jon, and that Jon is his owner. Claire is confused and angrily dumps the Arbiter for lying to her. Depressed once again, the Arbiter leaves. The Chief finishes the episode by commenting that the Arbiter won't need the condom anymore.

Episode 30: Endgame, Part Five

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The story picks up shortly before the end of Part Four, with Arbiter losing Claire and Chief commenting that Arbiter won't need the condom. Arbiter complains that his life isn't fair, and Chief drops the condom, full of shampoo, down in front of Arbiter in an attempt to cheer him up. Chief then makes a rousing speech, albeit in leet-speak as usual, about how he would like to go out with a bang. Chief goes on to announce he wants to bust Scott, save Halo 3 Matchmaking, and "HAV SEXY TIEMS W/ CLAIRE." Arbiter comments that Claire is his girl, but agrees to the other terms. They high-five.

Claire is shown inside a maze with an Assault Rifle, being chased by Scott with a Spartan Laser. She shoots Scott multiple times, but doesn't do any damage. She runs out of the maze and is about to walk off when she sees Sandbox's ground below her. Scott walks out and charges his laser, with the targeting beam hitting Claire's face. Scott is shown randomly pressing buttons on the Xbox 360 controller when the Chief and the Arbiter burst in. Scott complains they aren't supposed to show up before he takes his drugs, to which Arbiter responds they are very much real. Chief takes Jon's LG cellphone, stating it orders pizza and police. Scott warns them he'll kick their asses before they can dial the number, to which Arbiter responds they called an hour ago. Chief calls for Agent Smirnoff, and the KGB agent from before bursts in.

Scott picks up the keyboard and attempts to smash Smirnoff with it, who dodges. Scott grabs his pistol, but before he can shoot he is shot in the chest by the agent. Smirnoff then shoots him in the head, takes Scott's pistol, and shoots him multiple times with it. Scott falls over on the ground, bleeding profusely. While the Arbiter complains about how extreme this was, Chief expresses that he likes it. Scott continues to stay alive, dragging himself across the apartment and getting blood all over the floor to where he keeps his cocaine. Propped up against a shelf, he snorts cocaine one last time before he dies.

Episode 31: Endgame, Part Six

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The episode opens with Scott's dead body. The Chief thanks Agent Smirnoff for his help and offers him some Triscuits, and after he passionately declares that anyone who fucks with Mother Russia fucks with him ("AND NOBODY FUCKS WITH ME!"), Smirnoff takes the entire bag and leaves, much to the Chief's annoyance. The Chief and the Arbiter then contemplate their fate on Valhalla. One scenario that they think of is Jon selling them to some eight-year-old MLG player who will arrange them in homosexual poses forever. The Chief hopefully suggests that he'll have Barbie dolls, but the Arbiter tells him that instead he'll probably just have Batman action figures, though he admits that Barbie dolls wouldn't be that bad. Claire suddenly appears behind them and comments on how the Arbiter lied again (this time about not knowing the Chief), but also remarks that he was extremely brave; she had heard the entire exchange between the Arbiter, the Chief, and Scott the episode before over Scott's Xbox Live microphone. Arbiter and Claire make up, and after a short conversation during which the Chief tries (unsuccessfully) to make a cock joke, Claire suggests that Jon move in with her, so they can save costs. The Chief, however, immediately becomes depressed, reminding the Arbiter that, "u gots wat u wantid but i stil doesnt has recons." Immediately, a Bungie official drives up in a Warthog and gives it back as a thanks for getting rid of Scott. The Chief is momentarily ecstatic - until he sees another player wearing Recon as well. When the Chief furiously demands to know how he received the armor permutation, the player says that he completed the Vidmaster Challenges from Halo 3 and Halo 3: ODST, remarking before he leaves that, "Everyone's got Recon now." The Chief, enraged, declares that, once again, he hates Bungie.

The video then cuts to a view of a box which the Chief and the Arbiter are stuck in one week later. The Chief and the Arbiter look for a way to pass the time, seeing how they will be stuck inside the box for the next twenty-four hours. They strike up a short conversation delving from multiple topics, from swine flu to Kanye West's infamous interruption of Taylor Swift during the VMAs, to Chief mistaking Pokémon with Star Wars. Eventually, the Chief gives the Arbiter twenty chances to guess what his favorite game is. The Arbiter effortlessly answers, "Halo 3." The Chief ends the series with a short, "DAMMIT."

Season Four

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Jon has recently revealed via his blog that he will be producing a fourth season of Arby 'n' the Chief. This is not a continuation of Arby ‘n’ the Chief in LA, but of the original series, taking place after the events of “King” but before those of Endgame; unlike Arby 'n' the Chief in LA, Jon is creating these episodes entirely on his own, with no outside involvement from Machinima.com. Jon has described the new season as having, “No melodrama, no crazy plots, no new characters, just classic basArby 'n' the Chief, back-and-forth banter and wacky around-the-house antics.” The first two episodes, which were premiered at CanWest 2010, center around the Halo: Reach Beta, while the rest of the episodes will be based around other popular Xbox 360 games or other plots that do not relate to video games. A trailer is available on YouTube, and the first episode is scheduled to be released on Saturday, June 26, 2010.

Arby 'n' the Chief in L.A.

File:Inla.jpg

The title card is used in YouTube Thumbnails

On November 2, 2009 it was announced that a sequel to the series is in production. The sequel's title is "Arby n the Chief in L.A."[1] Jon Graham stated on his blog that he is not working on the project, and that Machinima.com has taken complete control of the series.[1] However, Machinima.com is still going to go to Jon for him to provide tips and information to help with series continuity. Because of bad fan reception for the first two episodes, on November 24, 2009, much to his dismay, Jon Graham stated on his blog that he was asked by Machinima to fly to L.A. and help them with the third episode to "give the new crew a running start." However, he was detained by US Homeland Security as a Canadian citizen and was denied entrance to the United States; the new arrangement is for Jon to simply write the scripts and manage the voices, while a film crew in LA does all the actual production. Jon stated on his blog that he still doesn't consider the series his anymore.[2]

Episode 1: Dear Jon

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In Claire's house in California, the Chief is attacking one of his teammates solely because he has Recon as well. The Arbiter tells him that soon everybody will have Recon, so this is pointless; predictably, however, the Chief does not accept this fact and ridicules the Arbiter for still waiting for Claire to return.

Claire and Jon return, and Jon goes to take a shower. Claire attempts to apologize to the Arbiter about how she is going out with Jon, but the Arbiter insists that it is okay and that he understands why she would not want to date him. Claire thanks the Arbiter and follows Jon.

The Arbiter is frustrated because, ever since they arrived in California, he and the Chief have literally been doing nothing but sitting on the sofa and playing the same video games over and over. He decides to leave the house and go outdoors in search of adventure. The Chief follows.

Episode 2: Walking in LA

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The Arbiter awakes inside an overturned box on the streets of Los Angeles, complaining that he feels terrible, and asks the Chief how he feels. The Chief responds that he smells like cat piss. Arbiter points out that if he bothered to clean up once in a while, he would smell better; Chief retorts that he always smells like roses. The Arbiter points out the Chief's inconsistency - he had just said that he smelled like cat piss - but the Chief answers that he smelled like roses which a cat had urinated on.

Angrily, the Chief complains that this is "some adventure": the two have no home, no sofa, and most importantly, no Xbox. The Arbiter then makes the Chief tour around Los Angeles, visiting Hollywood, the beach, and other locations. The scene then cuts to an intense duel in Halo 3 between two MLG players. One manages to kill the other with a plasma grenade, and the victor is revealed to be Chief. In a parallel to the first episode of the original series, the commentator says that he "wouldn't be surprised if Bungie made him his own special armor that would make Recon look like a silly pink dress that only women wear." The Chief proceeds to teabag the other player, but is awoken out of his daydream (again) by the Arbiter.

It is revealed that the Chief has crudely improvised an Xbox controller out of a TV remote, a couch out of an empty box of tissues with a piece of torn towel, and an Xbox and television out of a large jug with an illustration of stick figures shooting at each other. The Chief insists that this was a vision of the future, but the Arbiter calls this stupid and tells the Chief that they are going to the zoo, suggesting that the Chief can throw feces back at the monkeys. The Chief at this point is tired of adventures and decides to set out to find an Xbox so that his vision will come true, before strolling down an alley. The Arbiter follows him and finds the remains of numerous action figures strewn across the ground. A dog approaches him, but is scared away by the Chief wearing a piece of black cloth. The two set off to the zoo.

Episode 3: Lost

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This is the first episode of Arby 'n' the Chief in LA that Jon wrote and voiced for.

Master Chief and the Arbiter are lost next to a dumpster. The Chief wants to go to the zoo like the Arbiter suggested last episode, but the Arbiter has had second thoughts and explains that they can't go to the zoo because people cannot see them bor else they would both be captured and experimented on by the government. When the Chief makes a crude comparison to the movie District 9, the Arbiter reveals that he believes in aliens, which the Chief laughs at him for. The Arbiter retorts by asking why the universe is constantly expanding and so unfathomably large if Earth is the only planet that supports life. The Chief says that God is fat and needs that much space for Himself, and that the universe expands because He is constantly getting fatter.

During the ensuing debate, the Arbiter is forced to freeze for a moment as someone walks up to the dumpster and throws something away. Amazingly, the Chief ends up winning the argument; when the Arbiter tells him that he is completely illogical, he counters by saying, “sew iz teh fax taht wez iz aliv3. u evan sed, s0 fux u.” The Master Chief still wants to go to the zoo, but the Arbiter physically stops him The by shoving him against a wall (prompting the Chief to shout, “halp!1 rap3!”). Master Chief then suggests that they go back to Claire’s house. When the Arbiter doesn’t want to go back because he is still upset over Claire, this time the Chief refuses to listen to him and heads off on his own.

Arby 'n' the Chief in LA: Holiday Promo

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The promo starts off with Master Chief recording himself with a video camera. He thanks the viewers for watching his internet movies and wishes them a "merry crist mass." The Arbiter corrects the Chief by saying "Merry Christmas." The Chief tells the Arbiter to shut up, and the Arbiter shrewdly bets ten dollars that the video will cause a heated religious debate in the comments below (which it did). The Chief finishes off his video off by telling the viewers to be "sur3 2 staye h0m3 n t0uch ur firendz n famiblyz 0n chriist maass dae" and asks the Arbiter to reassure him. Surprisingly, the Arbiter tells the Chief to fuck that because he is going to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie instead.

Episode 4: Breaking and Entering

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The Arbiter is walking behind the Chief on an LA street, telling him to stop, at which Chief tells him to "fux off." The Chief starts picking up and throwing stones at Arbiter, who ducks behind a cardboard box and, trying to stop Chief's immature behaviour, throws a stone at him, which hits him in the face and makes him "cry" and fall to the streetShocked at what he has done, the Arbiter runs over to the Chief and attempts to apologize, but the Chief, pissed off, knocks the Arbiter over and attacks him. The Arbiter throws him off and tells him that all he wants is for both of them to be safe and happy. They find a “Pro Gamers” residence, which the Chief attempts to break into despite the fact that the door is wide open. The Arbiter is nervous upon entering the building, but the Chief assures him that there is no one there. Immediately, however, a third voice pipes up, “Yes there is!” and the two look to see that the owner of the voice is Sonic the Hedgehog.

Episode 5: Ensemble

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The Sonic action figure is constantly high from repeatedly sniffing a Sharpie that he is carrying, and he walks with a slight limp, using the Sharpie as a makeshift cane. Sonic is overjoyed to see them, as he thinks that they are from Starship Troopers. Creeped out, the Arbiter suggests to the Chief that they leave, but when the Chief learns that they have an Xbox in the store, he immediately elects to stay. Sonic introduces them to two other action figures in the store: Luigi and Toad. When Sonic proclaims that he has found Starship Trooper characters, the Arbiter corrects him and tells him that they are actually Halo figures. Toad and Luigi tell the Arbiter and the Chief to leave, because their “leader” has absolutely no tolerance for Halo; it is revealed that he gave Sonic his present limp because he caught him playing Halo 3 once. They then hear an angry voice yelling at Toad for not making food for him; Toad and Luigi quickly hide the Arbiter and the Chief. An angry Mario figure stomps into the room and berates Toad for not making him food, and punches out Luigi when he interrupts him. Mario threatens to physically abuse Toad as well until the Arbiter intervenes and steps into the open, confronting Mario.

Episode 6: Clash of the Titans

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The Chief and Sonic play Sonic the Hedgehog on the Xbox, but the Chief is angry, thinks that all the Sonic games "sux coxx," and repeatedly asks to play Halo 3. Sonic tells him again that nobody is allowed to play it and that it is hidden. Meanwhile, the Arbiter and Mario face off. Mario is angry with Halo because, in his eyes, he was the face of video games until the Master Chief stole it from him. Throughout the discussion, Luigi interrupts, only to be constantly shot down by Mario, especially when he brings up Luigi’s Mansion (which features Luigi instead of Mario). Mario also again yells at Toad for not having his pasta ready. The Arbiter defends the first two Halo games, but admits that, after Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 was released, Halo 3 (along with everything else) was "just so 'meh' in comparison." The Arbiter goes on to concede that the Mario games, despite possessing exceptionally shallow plot, do deliver solid gameplay, and that Mario should still be the face of video games. However, he reignites the argument by saying that Banjo-Kazooie was better than Super Mario 64. In the meantime, the Chief has had enough of playing Sonic and vows to play Halo 3, despite Sonic's pleadings not to.

Episode 7: The Dark Side

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Following the events of the previous episode, Mario reluctantly allows the Arbiter to stay because of his intelligence. However, he refuses to let the Master Chief stay, and the Arbiter can only remain as long as he sells out the Chief. Toad advises the Arbiter to betray the Master Chief, pointing out how the latter would not hesitate to do the same, while Luigi pleads that such an act would be morally despicable and that it would be horrible for the Arbiter to betray his "friend." Meanwhile, the Chief is looking for a copy of Halo 3. When Sonic asks him what he is doing, he covers up by claiming to be looking for gum. He eventually finds it in a Tony Hawk’s Ride game case with the Halo 3 disc hidden inside it. He basks in happiness as the Halo 3 soundtrack plays.

Episode 8: Two Betrayals

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The Chief, wanting the Xbox to himself to play Halo 3, tells Sonic that Mario wants to see him. Sonic, worried, leaves the Chief alone with the Xbox. Meanwhile, Mario is still shooting down Luigi's Mansion, pointing out that while Luigi only saved Mario once in that game, whereas Mario has saved Luigi countless times over the decades. The Arbiter and Toad arrive, and Mario demands the Arbiter's decision. The Arbiter accepts Mario's offer to allow him to stay on the condition that the Chief be kicked out. At that moment, Sonic arrives and begs Mario not to hurt him, as he had only just heard from the Chief that he wanted to see him. After the Chief complains again about the map Boundless (another version of Snowbound), Mario storms into the room and, after a brief argument, throws the Chief out while the Arbiter looks on. The episode ends with a shot of the sad Master Chief sitting outside the door of the shop.

Episode 9: Exile

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The Arbiter wakes up in the Professional Gamer and wonders if the Chief is okay. Outside in a box, the Chief wakes up and is initially excited to play Halo, but then remembers his situation and sits down, depressed, in his box, wishing for socks. Meanwhile, Mario throws Sonic in a cupboard, despite the latter's pleas. Luigi attempts to intervene on Sonic's behalf, but he is once again shut down by Mario, on the threat that Luigi will also be thrown in the cupboard with "them." Mario reveals that he has planned for Sonic to have some company in the cupboard. Toad talks to the Arbiter, who is having second thoughts about betraying the Chief. Toad tries to reassure the Arbiter, with some success, before mentioning that Mario wanted to see him. Arbiter says that he probably shouldn't keep Mario waiting, and Toad replies that he does not mean to. Without warning, the Arbiter is stunned by a large falling piece of plastic.

Episode 10: Alone

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A tied-up Arbiter is dragged by Toad to Mario and Luigi. The Arbiter vehemently protests against this behavior and asks Mario what is going on. Mario responds by declaring his hatred for the Master Chief, but adds that he hates pseudo-intellectuals like the Arbiter even more. Besides, according to Mario, the Arbiter looks like Bowser. When the Arbiter retorts that he looks nothing like a dragon, he is thrown into the cupboard with Sonic. Sonic says that he is locked in for telling Chief where Halo 3 is, and begins to get high from his Sharpie marker. He offers it to the Arbiter, who eventually accepts.

The Chief, meanwhile, is playing "catch" with a crude blob representing the Arbiter drawn on the side of his box. Not surprisingly, the drawing fails to catch the ball. Enraged, the Chief calls the Arbiter drawing "a shithead" and kicks it, accidentally punching through the box with his foot. He is unable to get it out, loses his balance and falls, stuck. The Chief briefly considers the possibility that he may in fact be stupid, just as the Arbiter has been telling him all these years, but promptly disregards it.

Episode 11: Outcasts

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Inside the cupboard, Sonic is still getting high from his Sharpie while Arbiter is trying to listen to a conversation outside between Mario, Luigi, and Toad. Mario intends to kill Sonic and the Arbiter, but both Toad and Luigi finally refuse to comply. In response, Mario kicks them out as well, much to Toad's dismay, as he left his bong inside.

Toad and Luigi overhear the Chief's calls for help, and Toad (after laughing at the Chief’s situation) frees his foot from the box. The Chief invites Toad and Luigi into his "house" and tells Toad to wipe his feet, which prompts a short argument between the two. The three sit silently for a moment before Toad remembers to tell the Chief that Mario is about to kill the Arbiter and Sonic. The Chief quotes “himself” from the Halo: Combat Evolved level Two Betrayals: "That's not going to happen," which is a reference that Luigi misses because he has never played Halo. The Chief calls him a faggot in response.

Episode 12: Counter Strike

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The Arbiter and Sonic are in the cupboard smelling the Sharpie, which the Arbiter admits is pretty good, though he takes care to remind Sonic that he wouldn’t be doing it if not for the fact that he is about to be killed. Then Mario opens the cupboard. Sonic mistakenly thinks that Mario is there to give them ice cream, but Mario announces he is going to kill them, which apparently causes Sonic mild dismay. Meanwhile, the Chief has finished concocting a highly incoherent plan which involves blowing up the door and gunning down Mario. Toad immediately thinks of a simpler, easier plan, but Luigi is unsure about killing Mario, which prompts Toad to explain to him Mario must be defeated, while a frustrated Chief looks on. The Chief tries to smash the door with a rock, but fails. Toad to insults the Chief for this, which results in him having a rock thrown at him. He throws it back at Chief, who dodges, and the rock smashes the window. The Chief, Luigi, and Toad find the Arbiter and Sonic tied together in a microwave with Mario about to kill them. Mario closes the microwave and confronts the Chief, ending on a cliffhanger.


Episode 13: Game Over

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Mario presses the start button on the microwave, starting the long and painful process of melting the Arbiter and Sonic. The Chief, Toad, and Luigi climb up onto the counter with the microwave, but the Chief is punched out by Mario while Luigi and Toad have difficulty finding the "cancel" button and opening the door, respectively. Mario turns to them and punches them out as well, but is suddenly attacked from behind by the Chief, who holds onto Mario's head, distracting him and giving Toad time to stop the microwave. However, Mario loses his balance with the Chief holding onto his face, and they both fall over backwards off the counter. Both Mario and the Chief hit the ground and lie still, apparently dead. The Arbiter insists to Toad that the Chief's "done this before," and that he'll get up in just a moment, but the Chief remains still and quiet. He is wrapped in a magazine and given a funeral of sorts, whereas Mario is simply thrown into the freezer by Toad. Arbiter says that he was wrong the entire time about the Chief, and that he should not have sold him out just for a place to stay. Toad still thinks that Chief was an asshole and comments that he looks like a burrito inside the magazine.

To commemorate the memory of "Han Solo," Toad suggests that they all play Halo 3. However, the box is missing. Outside, it is revealed that the Chief - very much alive - has broken out of the magazine and has stolen the Halo 3 box. Angry at the Arbiter for betraying him, the Chief reflects that he does not have to listen to the Arbiter anymore and now that he has a copy of Halo 3, he is his own boss. He continues to celebrate his independence, repeatedly misspelling "boss" in the subtitles as the episode ends.

After the credits end, however, the freezer is shown open with no sight of Mario, indicating that he is still alive and has escaped to hunt down the other action figures.


Arby 'n' the Chief: The Movie

Background

On May 25th, 2008, Arby 'n' the Chief: The Movie premiered at the machinima event CanWest ‘08 (which the movie was created for) and was published on YouTube the same day. The movie seems to take place in between the plot line of Episodes 10 and 11, and features all of the main characters of the series up to that point (thus, not only are the Master Chief and the Arbiter present, but so are Cortana, Todd, and Travis). The movie also marks the first time that any character has ventured out of Jon's apartment.

Production

Jon Graham is famous for being a solo machinima producer, but for the Movie, his friend Daniel Lazslo, aka D Laz, assisted him in the production of the film, most notably with visual effects.

Filming

The Movie was the first Master Chief Sucks at Halo/Arby 'n' the Chief production to go outside of Jon Graham's apartment. Filming took place in three different cities: Vancouver (Jon Graham's old residence), Chilliwack (another Canadian City), and Los Angeles (where Jon Graham visited to work at the Machinima.com headquarters for several days).

Plot Summary

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In the beginning of the movie, the Master Chief forces the Arbiter, Cortana, Todd, and Travis to play along with a horrible game of "pretend" with Chief (one of Todd's lines is nothing but a crude drawing of a penis). As the others leave, the Arbiter approaches the Chief and consoles him by telling him it was very "Imaginative". While watching machinima videos online, the Chief begins to insult Jon Graham (also known as DigitalPh33r at the time), saying that his videos are shitty and repetitive. The Arbiter tells him to make a machinima of his own, but on one condition: If the machinima is bad, the Chief has to be nice for a day. The Chief retorts by saying that if the machinima is good, then the Arbiter, Todd, Travis, and Cortana have to "shut up" for a day. Several weeks later, with the help of the Chief's online friends, his machinima is complete. It is very badly done, is over three hours long, and contains bad voice acting, over-the-top character actions, and a terrible plot. Everyone hates it, though the Arbiter and Todd attempt to sugar-coat their criticism. Angry, the Chief says that he has uploaded it to the internet and that the result of the bet should depend on the online reaction (which is Chief standing at the computer for a day and continually hitting F5 in order to refresh the page over and over, resulting in more views).

The Chief's video attracts the attention of the eccentric machinima director Skyler Loveheart, the head of "Douchebag Studios." Loveheart mistakenly thinks that the movie was made as a parody of bad machinima, and believes that the video is a work of genius. He contacts the Chief and tells him that Douchebag Studios could use the Chief's talents, and that they want him to come down to Los Angeles to create a serious machinima under their new contract. The Chief happily accepts and tells the Arbiter and Todd that he "doesn't have to live with [those] douchebags anymore." To everyone's delight except the Arbiter’s, the Chief leaves and heads to LA.

In Los Angeles, the Chief is greeted by Loveheart. The Chief asks to use Loveheart's phone, which he uses to call the Arbiter. He begins to brag to and insult the Arbiter, who angrily throws the phone out the window. The Chief then makes an online video (which parodies Uwe Boll’s infamous Youtube video containing much of the same content), in which he boasts about his machinima talents and challenges anyone who disagrees to a boxing match; according to him, beating his critics in a boxing match will somehow prove that he is right and they are wrong. The video annoys the Arbiter, who "can't think of anyone with an ego that massive." Travis tells the Arbiter to let it go, and that they should be celebrating. The Arbiter half-heartedly agrees.

Nearly two months later, the Chief's attempt at a "serious" machinima is complete, titled "TEH EPIK BATEL." Loveheart, seeing the video and how bad it is, realizes that the Chief isn't cleverly satirizing bad machinima, but is simply bad himself. Loveheart furiously tells the Chief that he had invested a lot of money in him, and, pulling a pistol from his pocket, attempts to shoot him. Luckily, Loveheart's hyperactivity causes him to aim erratically, and so every shot misses, even hitting himself in the knee with one of the shots. The Chief steals Loveheart's car and escapes, heading back home. Loveheart shoots himself in the head, causing a ludicrous amount of blood to spurt out.

Back at Jon's apartment, Travis and the Arbiter are playing Halo 3. Losing, the Arbiter forfeits, saying that he's not in the mood. The Chief arrives, and is greeted coldly by the Arbiter, whom the Chief mostly ignores. He goes on to enthusiastically greet Todd, Travis, and Cortana, who don't reply. The Arbiter tells him that he has quite a lot of nerve coming back after the way he behaved, and that he should go. The Chief, upset, cuts power to the apartment and leaves. He walks into the road and attempts to commit suicide by throwing himself in front of a car. The Arbiter, who followed, begs the Chief to get up, saying that he needs him in his life and that he even loves him. After a few more moments in which the Chief does not respond, he turns away. Suddenly, the Chief gets up, saying, "TAHTS SRSLY TEH GAYIST SHIT IV EVAR HERD." He recalls when he tried to commit suicide in Master Chief Sucks At Halo 2, and comes to the conclusion that he can't die. He asks for a hug, which the Arbiter gives, not realizing the Chief has stuck another insulting sign on his back (“IM GAY”), just as he did in Episode 6.

Later, Todd, Travis, and Cortana are having a discussion on the Master Chief's destiny (namely, whether he'd go to Heaven or Hell; the unanimous conclusion is that he is going to Hell). Just then, a large Master Chief helmet appears around the corner of the hallway, saying that it is the “real” Master Chief and declaring that “I AM HEER TO EAT UR FACE. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.” This badly frightens everyone, especially Todd, who screams effeminately at the top of his lungs and runs away when he sees it. However it turns out to be a prank by the Chief, who recites his classic line, “llolollolllolloolollololloololol,” as the movie ends.

Trivia

  • The Arbiter and Master Chief figures are from Halo 2, but Cortana, Todd, and Travis are all Halo 3 Action Figures.
  • Though distributed by http://www.Machinima.com, the series is technically not a machinima, with the majority of each episode filmed live-action and video games simply being a plot device.
  • In the second episode of the series, the Arbiter wrote Bungie a letter asking to give the Chief Recon armor, which was granted by the beginning of Episode 3. Bungie, of course, actually did give Jon Graham the Recon armor; many viewers of the video thought that Jon was given the armor because of the email that the Arbiter wrote, leading many of them to write their own emails to Bungie asking for the armor themselves. Jon, however, has revealed that he did not actually send the email that he wrote for Episode 2, and that Bungie gave him the Recon purely because they admired his videos.
  • In Episode 19 "Panic" of Season 3, the Chief is heard saying a reference to both Halo 3 and 300. Right after he attacks the corrupt red Spartan for almost shooting Arbiter, he begins to say nonsense until the end where he says, "FOR SPARTA."
  • The time on Jon's clock is always 3:43. This a reference to 343 Guilty Spark, which was confirmed by Jon Graham in one of the episode commentaries.
  • Though Cortana was kidnapped by an alien, she only disappeared from the series a few episodes after Todd and Travis were kidnapped. This indicates that they were kidnapped separately; however, given that the alien had no desire for Cortana, her disappearance is strange. It is possible that Todd asked the alien for some company besides Travis and figured that it would not bring any harm to her (or made the alien promise not to do so), not realizing that the alien would later fire Cortana into a nearby sun.
  • In the episode "Wedding", when Master Chief Says "Ima chargin ma lazor! SHOOP DA WOOP!", he is referencing an internet meme started by Dom Fera on Youtube with his animated shorts titled "The Laser Collection." This is quoted a number of times throughout the series.
  • The controllers that the characters use in the series are never actually turned on. Jon has stated that this is because the Xbox 360 controllers have a ten-minute automatic shutoff timer and he never feels like turning them back on.
  • At the end of Season 3, Episode 1 “Cold,” when the Arbiter says, “Something very strange is going on…” the pillowcase moves by itself. Many fans who noticed this theorized that some sort of ghost or other apparition was somehow responsible for the disappearances of Todd and Travis and Cold Storage’s deletion. In the commentary for “King,” Jon revealed that the pillowcase moved simply because a gust of wind from his fan hit it; he never even noticed that the pillowcase fluttered until people began pointing it out.

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